the lost (again) ring

So I have this ring...

It's really special to me. I think I wrote a blog post about it before and how I found it in a bag I bought from Plato's closet.
As you can see in the picture, it has the tree of life on it.
I think it's beautiful.

I lost it on campus yesterday. I knew where--the bathroom on the 3rd floor of the Wilkinson center. Because I took it off to wash my hands and then forgot to put it back on. Happens to me about four times a week, normally in my apartment.

I was so sure somebody had taken it to the Lost & Found. But there's always that little hint of a doubt that creeps in that makes you wonder "What if it isn't?"
I couldn't make it to the Lost & Found the day that I lost it. And I felt so sick about the fact that it wasn't on my finger as it always is.

I prayed for Heavenly Father to give me peace, that I could forget about the fact that it was not in its proper place.
He did.

I had so much peace about it, that I about completely forgot about it.

Today (Tuesday), I was walking past the Lost & Found and remembered that my ring might be there.
I walked in and asked for it: sure enough, there it was with a piece of a tape labeled "3--10".

I know it's not a big deal. It is just a ring.
But to me, it's a big deal.
And the Lord knows that.

He reminds me daily--and this was just a single experience--that He loves me, He knows me, and he cares about my life! And the things that are important to me? They are important to Him too.

I'm so grateful for a Heavenly Father that knows me and reminds me of it.

don't let go

Christ will never give up on us.

Even if we leave Him, even if we force ourselves to completely forget Him and shut Him out of our lives... He still loves us just the same.
His love for us is eternal.
Even when ours is not.

Even when we turn our back on Him,
He is still there to pick us up when we fall.
Even if we give ourselves the credit for succeeding.
 
Even when we betray Him,
He will still wipe away our tears.
Even when we tell ourselves how strong we are and that we can do it on our own.

He will sit with us.
He will listen to us.
He will hold us.
He will carry us.
We can't let go, we can't.
He cannot be a convenience or a nicety in our lives.
He must be our everything.
We must be willing to give Him our all. Even if that means the suffering and the pain and the sickness and the affliction, because He knows how that is.
He's the only One who can and will ever know exactly how you feel at any given point in time.

Hold onto Him.
Don't let Him go, it's not worth it.
I promise you will be so much happier if you just keep Him close to you.
The happiest I've ever been is when I'm the closest to my Heavenly Father and my Savior.

I love my Savior.
I love my God.
And I love this gospel.
I know I'm not perfect, I won't be for a very long time.
But I have a perfect knowledge that God is real, and that His Son Jesus Christ came to this earth to suffer and die for me.

Thank goodness I have this gospel in my life. <3

the ring and the lanyard

About a week ago I was getting some chapstick out of my purse; it wouldn't come out and I had to reach my finger way down into the pocket to reach it.
I felt something metal at the bottom of the pocket.

I pulled out a silver ring with what looked like some Egyptian hieroglyphs on it.
I was speechless that this ring had been in my purse for weeks--months, even--and I had never found it before.
As I looked at it more closely, I realized that these were not Egyptian hieroglyphs at all, but the tree of life, the iron rod, and Lehi's family coming to it.
I had been having a very, very hard week, and I felt that this was God's way of telling me that He still loved me and that He knew I could endure to the end.

A few days after I found it and wore it every day, I lost it. I must have been in a bathroom on campus, took it off to wash my hands, and forgotten about it.
I was heartbroken.
I felt like this ring was mine, God had given it to me because I needed it...
but if somebody else needed it more than I did, I guess I could give it up.
I tried my hardest to forget about it.

Flashforward about 4 days to today, November 21.
I finished my shift at work and started digging in my backpack looking for my keys so I could come back to the office if I needed to--they weren't there.
I emptied my entire backpack.
Nothing.
I looked in the office drawers, in the back room, in the bathroom around the corner from where I worked--
Nothing.
I officially started freaking out inside.
This lanyard had my school ID card, my debit card, my building key, and my room key.
If somebody had gotten a hold of my debit card, that would be very, very bad.

I walked to the bottom of the Wilk, scared of what I knew would happen.
There was no way that my keys would be there, there's no way.
They're probably still in the Clyde building where my Physics class is, and that classroom is definitely locked this late at night.
But maybe, just maybe...

I got to the Lost and Found, where somebody had taken my journal a few weeks ago.
I asked the girl if somebody had turned in keys in the past few hours.
She pulled out the bin where all of the keys and keys on lanyards were turned in.
Keys on keyrings, keys on lanyards, keys forever alone...
but none of them were mine.
I said they weren't there, so terrified of where they could be that I didn't know about. But I might as well ask about the ring while I'm here.

I described the ring to her and told her I had lost it only days earlier.
She went to the back and came back with a ring that fit my description perfectly--except it wasn't my ring. This ring was made of a different metal, it was lighter. But it did have the exact same picture on it.
She said she might have seen a different ring like this one.
She went to the back and came back with another ring--my ring!
I was so happy I could have hugged the girl.
As I was filling out the sheet with my name and the date, I had the thought to mention to her that my keys also had my ID card and credit card on them...maybe it would make a difference?

I told her, and a switch flipped.
She said somebody had brought some in. She asked for my name, and went to the back--
and came out with my lanyard. Keys, debit card, ID and all.
There have not been many moments in my life where I felt so loved, so looked out for.
In that moment I knew without a doubt in my mind that God knows me.
God loves me.
God will take care of me.

He knows what I need, He knows it so much better than I think I do.
When I tell Him what I think I need, no, no I don't know.
He knows. He knows what I need, He knows who I am supposed to associate with, He knows what needs to happen to me.
Why wouldn't I want to put my trust in Him?
Why wouldn't I want to obey Him to the letter?

He will bless me when I do what's right, I know that without a doubt in my mind.
I am so grateful that He gave me back what I lost.
I don't know why He decided I was worthy of this ring, and it seems so stupid...
but every time I look at it, it reminds me that I can endure to the end. And it reminds me that the only way to get to the tree of life is by holding onto the iron rod always.

I love my Heavenly Father. Thank goodness He is there for me.
Because if He wasn't, I don't know where I would be. <3

my testimony

A lot of stuff has happened in the past couple weeks that are too personal to share, but I really want to share my testimony.
------------------------------------------------

I have a testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ.
I have been born into this Church, but that does not make me love this Church any less than somebody who is a new member.
Yes, my parents have raised me underneath the principles of the Church;
but I have had to choose to live by these principles.
I have been given the agency to choose good over evil, and I am so grateful for that agency.

Now that I am away at college I have a greater appreciation for everything that my parents have taught me these past 18 years.
And there have been so many things I have had to learn on my own, but I'm grateful that I had to.
Because it has strengthened my testimony of Jesus Christ.

I know that Jesus Christ is the literal Son of our Heavenly Father.
I know that the Atonement is real. I have seen it in my life. I have committed sins that you could never, ever imagine--but through the Atonement I have been healed.
I have a testimony of forgiveness, especially the forgiveness of God.
He will forgive us.
And knowing that He forgives you is probably the best feeling in the world.

I know that the temple is a sacred place.
And one of the most amazing feelings to me is walking out of a temple recommend interview from a member of my Bishopric with a brand new temple recommend in my hand, knowing that I am worthy to enter the house of the Lord--I am worthy to be in the presence of my Heavenly Father and His servants.
What an incredible knowledge!

I know that living prophets are real. They speak to our generation through the Holy Spirit of the Lord.
I know that President Thomas S. Monson is a true, real prophet. I know that He has the keys to speak to God, and I know that he has had experiences that we will never know about.
I know that the apostles are inspired of the Lord and that what they tell us is revelation.

I know that personal revelation is real.
I know that the Spirit will speak to us through the scriptures. I have seen it in my life and I have seen how it has blessed me.

I know that the law of tithing is a perfect law.
I know that as I abide by it I will be blessed. I have seen this promise manifested in my life time after time.

I know that God's commandments are not to hold us back or keep us from having a good time--
they are to protect us.
He gives us the commandments to set us free.
And people might tell us that we are being held back, but in the end we will be the ones without shackles around our ankles and chains around our wrists.
We will be free.

I know that this world did not happen by accident.
The perfect amount of air on earth, the distance away from the sun, the revolutions of the moon--it couldn't have all been an accident.
There is no way that this could have been a coincidence, God knew exactly what He was doing when He created this universe as well as when He created me.
The hands that created the universe are the same hands that created our bodies.
That is amazing to me.

I know that there are two reasons why I am here on this earth today.
1) to repent
2) to serve God

And any blessings that God gives us besides this are to help us get through the trials of this life.

I know that my Heavenly Father loves me.
He loves me enough that He sent his Only Begotten Son down to this horrible earth to die for me.
I know that my Savior loves me, because He was willing to sacrifice His life and His perfection so that I could live with my Father in Heaven again.
I know that my Heavenly Mother loves me. I do not remember her very well, but I know that she is up there. I know with my entire soul that she exists.

I know that families can and will be together forever if we do what the Lord asks of us.
I am so grateful that my family has been sealed in the temple for time and all eternity.
Maybe I don't get along with my family all of the time, but at the end of the day I truly do love them and want to be with them forever.

I know that the Plan of Salvation is real.
I know that our time on earth is so small compared to the rest of our lives.
It is so small, so miniscule--we just have to prove ourselves here in order for us to be saved in the next life.

I know that as I live the commandments that the Lord has given to me, He will be so proud of me and He will be my advocate. And at the end of the day, all I want is for my Heavenly Father to be proud of me.
I want Him to be proud of me when I return to Him someday.

Whenever I do something wrong, I can feel that He is disappointed in me.
And it makes me sad.
That is why I want to do everything in my power to make Him so happy.

I love this gospel.
I love this Church.
Not only am I willing to die for this gospel,
but I love it so much that I am willing to live for it.
Because that is what God has asked of me.

a prayer of the heart (the lost journal)

Today was busier than normal.

I attended class in the morning, got breakfast, went to the Marriott Center for the Homecoming kickoff, took a nap in the grass outside the Clyde Building, went to class, and finally went to work.

My coworker Aaron and I were laughing about something, and it reminded me about a picture of this baby donkey I had in my journal.

I reached into my backpack for my journal to show him this picture...
My journal was not there.

I pulled out every single thing out of my backpack.
Nope. Not anywhere.

My mind started to flash back to where I had been today...
When I realized that my journal, my book where I keep my private thoughts and feelings, my past, and most importantly my notes from General Conference, could be lost at the Marriott Center, that's when I officially started freaking out.

It's a good thing I was off the clock, because I gathered my stuff up and left.
I walked to the Wilkinson Center, where I was positive I had left it in the bathroom on my way to the kickoff.
It wasn't there.
I could feel the tears welling up in the back of my eyes...

My next thought was to go to the Clyde Building, where I had changed into a work skirt after class.
But the 'Lost and Found' is right downstairs, I thought to myself.
Might as well go check it out, even though there is no possible way on this earth that it could ever be there...

I shakily walked downstairs and to the Lost and Found.
When I walked in, some ladies were telling a girl that she should come check every day because some things take a few days to get to the Lost and Found.
Thanks. That makes me feel a ton better. (not)

When I told her I lost something... "a green journal with owls on the front?"...
The girl said, "Okay, I'll go look."
The girl next to her said, "Oh hey, somebody just brought that in!"

I felt my heart just drop. I was so grateful I started crying in the Lost and Found.
I had to go into a bathroom stall in the bottom of the Wilk and just get on my knees and cry to my Heavenly Father out of gratitude for a couple of minutes.

I didn't even have to get on my knees to begin with to cry out to my Heavenly Father.
He just helped me anyway.

I just had to open my journal and read some of the things on the pages, I couldn't believe that He had actually returned it to me...

My eyes fell upon a quote that Elder Holland shared from his talk in Conference this past weekend.

President Monson shared with the sisters in the General Relief Society meeting:

"God's love is there for you whether or not you feel you deserve [it].
It is simply always there."

I am probably the last person who should deserve God's love. I am so imperfect, sometimes I feel like I can't do anything right. I mess up every single day of my life, I know that I am not perfect right now.

But He still loves me despite that.
And He showed me that today through this loving, tender mercy.

I'm so grateful for the power of prayer. <3

the best Physics professor

Today, God really proved to me that He is the best teacher.

I'm in Physics 105, and it's a hard class. I'm one of few freshmen in this class.  Most of the other students in the class are juniors and seniors taking the class to finish their majors, and I'm here taking it for a general.

We have homework assignments due every Tuesday and Thursday night.
There is a Physics Tutorial Lab available every day where students can come to get help on homework and with questions.

Last Tuesday, I went to the tutorial lab at 7:30pm and got home at 11pm.
On Thursday, I arrived at the lab at about 7:00pm and got home at 10:30pm.
And I'm not slacking off at these labs.

That much being said, it takes about 3 1/2 hours to finish a homework assignment.  And that's when I'm surrounded by TAs and other students that I can get help from.

Today I had a test to take, and I was too tired to attend the tutorial lab.
I got home at about 7pm, showered, and sat down to do my Physics at about 10pm.

I felt overwhelmed.  I didn't want to be up until 2am finishing this assignment.
I prayed to my Heavenly Father.  I told him I would do his homework first if He would help me with the world's homework.

So I put away the Physics and got out my scriptures.
After doing my scripture study, I said another prayer asking Heavenly Father to please help me understand this homework.

I know that he understands Physics better than anybody--I mean, He created the earth, didn't He? He knows everything.  He knows this better than we could ever comprehend.

I started on the questions, and things began to pop into my mind that I never thought was possible.

I started the homework at 10:30pm, and finished at 11:50pm.

I know that the Lord will help us if we do our part first.
He will never let us down.

And oh yeah--Heavenly Father is definitely the best Physics professor ever. <3

I stand all amazed

Lately I've felt as if I've been going through the motions...
I haven't read my scriptures like I should be in a while.
I haven't prayed sincerely in days.
I haven't looked at my patriarchal blessing in weeks.
It's just been one of those phases where Satan gradually talks me into letting go of the rod.

Today I dragged myself out of bed, into the shower, and across the street to church.
New YSA ward, twice as big. Not exactly 'excited' about it.

By the time sacrament meeting had come, I was still cynical about the day.
I was hungry from fasting, I wasn't in a good mood, and my hair was not done which led to me not feeling as good about myself as I normally do.

As today is fast Sunday, we naturally had ward Fast & Testimony Meeting in place of talks today.
As I sat there listening to my brothers and sisters bear their testimonies of this church and of Jesus Christ, I could literally feel my heart swelling with joy.

My Heavenly Father testified to me through the Spirit just how much He does know me and how much He does want me to succeed.
He helped me to feel that even though I am so imperfect, even though I have messed up over and over again... it does not lead him to love me any less.

"I stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers me,
Confused at the grace that, so fully, he proffers me...
I tremble to know that for me He was crucified:
That for me, a sinner, He suffered, He bled and died."


The Spirit testified to me just how much my Savior really does love me.
In fact, He loves me so much, that He made the decision to give up His life, His perfection... so that I could be forgiven.

It gives me chills.
My Heavenly Father loves me, so much, that He sent His Son, His Only Begotten, to suffer, bleed, die... and all for the sins of us.

Jesus took on my sins, my afflictions, my sufferings, my pains, my sicknesses, my sadness, my depression, my anxieties, my fear...

because of love.

If He can do that for me,
can't I love Him enough to read my scriptures every day?
Can't I love Him enough to speak with my Heavenly Father night and day?
Can't I take the time to reach out to a fellow brother or sister and help them along the way?

These are the thoughts that were going through my head as I sat there in sacrament meeting.

And finally, I just came to the conclusion that I am imperfect. And that in this life, that's okay.
It's okay to not do everything perfectly.
It's okay to make mistakes.
It's okay to have off days.

And in the end, when we turn to Him in fullness of heart, He will forgive us.
Because He loves us.

That is why I stand all amazed.