I stand all amazed

Lately I've felt as if I've been going through the motions...
I haven't read my scriptures like I should be in a while.
I haven't prayed sincerely in days.
I haven't looked at my patriarchal blessing in weeks.
It's just been one of those phases where Satan gradually talks me into letting go of the rod.

Today I dragged myself out of bed, into the shower, and across the street to church.
New YSA ward, twice as big. Not exactly 'excited' about it.

By the time sacrament meeting had come, I was still cynical about the day.
I was hungry from fasting, I wasn't in a good mood, and my hair was not done which led to me not feeling as good about myself as I normally do.

As today is fast Sunday, we naturally had ward Fast & Testimony Meeting in place of talks today.
As I sat there listening to my brothers and sisters bear their testimonies of this church and of Jesus Christ, I could literally feel my heart swelling with joy.

My Heavenly Father testified to me through the Spirit just how much He does know me and how much He does want me to succeed.
He helped me to feel that even though I am so imperfect, even though I have messed up over and over again... it does not lead him to love me any less.

"I stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers me,
Confused at the grace that, so fully, he proffers me...
I tremble to know that for me He was crucified:
That for me, a sinner, He suffered, He bled and died."


The Spirit testified to me just how much my Savior really does love me.
In fact, He loves me so much, that He made the decision to give up His life, His perfection... so that I could be forgiven.

It gives me chills.
My Heavenly Father loves me, so much, that He sent His Son, His Only Begotten, to suffer, bleed, die... and all for the sins of us.

Jesus took on my sins, my afflictions, my sufferings, my pains, my sicknesses, my sadness, my depression, my anxieties, my fear...

because of love.

If He can do that for me,
can't I love Him enough to read my scriptures every day?
Can't I love Him enough to speak with my Heavenly Father night and day?
Can't I take the time to reach out to a fellow brother or sister and help them along the way?

These are the thoughts that were going through my head as I sat there in sacrament meeting.

And finally, I just came to the conclusion that I am imperfect. And that in this life, that's okay.
It's okay to not do everything perfectly.
It's okay to make mistakes.
It's okay to have off days.

And in the end, when we turn to Him in fullness of heart, He will forgive us.
Because He loves us.

That is why I stand all amazed.